A Casual Bending of Words Into Something Seemingly Significant:

Ages ago, I'd always wonder what kind of person I'd be by the time I've hit the point of life I'd be in right now. I'd always want to meet my future self, and have him pass on some wisdom to me. But now that I've reached that point, it appears we would both have wisdom to share with each other.

Over the years, I've become more jaded and silent than my younger counterpart. I've felt that I've lost most of that imaginitive spark that kept me able to write easily. And the confidence I once had, that wasn't taken care of properly, has long since grown too large, and popped like a metallic plastic balloon.

It's all a result of events in my life I either let get out of control, or couldn't control. Until recently, I could never seem to find the balance I've always desired. I've either done the least I could do, or I'd over do it. On top of that, my constant worries for others, or my life in general, always  made me seem less capable.

But despite all this, I guess there are few things I can say I regret doing. So I'd say the following to myself:

"Power through the painful moments, no matter how bleak they are. Keep your head up. When you feel down, it's okay to cry sometimes. You're here to make your mark on the world, whether it's large or small. Most of all, help those in need. You won't regret it."

Self-Pondering of a Purple Man

Almost every day, I find myself waking and asking myself questions. Some of them answered, most unanswered. Sometimes, it's just some question like, "what am I going to do today?" Or "what interesting thing will I find myself looking up?" Other times, it's more deep and serious. "Have I really grown up in the past few months?" "Has my developments been because of my mother's death, or have they merely been brought to the surface where people could see them, as I've been the same the entire time?" "When will I stop being distracted and find myself a job, or at least finish my resume?" Eventually, I'll find some answers to these questions, But at least along the way, I hope to at least not lose my way for what I truly want to do.

Dance of Love (A poem)

I decided to write a poem for someone. I usually don't do love poems, but since it's Valentine's day, I ought to do something fitting the theme.


One, two, three,
Come with me,
Do a dance of love.

Four, five, six,
Take some trips,
To the clouds above.

Seven eight, nine,
Take your time
True love is never brief!

Nine steps are all you need,
Take my hand and you will see.
Take a bow in the comfort of,
The nine step dance of love.

Inspiration (ramblings)

"Forged by the fires of emotion, shaped by the hammer of discipline, cooled by the waters of knowledge, engraved with the drive to keep moving forward, and used according to personality and desire."


We, as people experience rough points in our lives, some harsher than others. Sometimes, this may cause us to forget our goals. Sometimes, we become completely different, shocking those around us. Sometimes, this may kick us forward, giving us a drive that was never before realized. Others may cause us to break down.

What is it that keeps you going? Once a person comes to realize that one thing, they set a goal for themselves. That goal could be anything, but the placement of that goal itself could either continue that drive, or possibly kill it altogether. This is not meant to discourage. One pushes forward and keeps going by setting goals of a difficult but attainable path. Grasp that goal and use it to go where you need to go.

I've often come to realise that there are, indeed distractions, rather large ones, that keep me from hitting my goals. It's understandable, given that the path to your goal is never the same, and may change depending upon how you react to the goals of others around you. One moment, you could almost be right there, but then a sudden gust will blow sand in your eyes, and turn you backward. By the time your eyes clear, you're back at your halfway point. At that point, don't try to keep going if your view is blinded. Sometimes, fate may just want you to take notice of your surroundings and bring in a better way of doing things before.

Memories

As many of you who I've personally talked to may know, my mom had given up her fight with cancer last week. She's gone now. She died on Monday, Janurary 17, around 3:42 pm. She's in a better place now.
I admit, she and I may not have always seen eye-to-eye, but as a son always should, I did love her.
So many things that I could bring up about her, like how she loved my siblings and I, and that we were always on her mind, even when we visited her that last week and found out how much time she had left. Or how she never failed to make sure we were doing the best we could, even during the times she had to use a cane to get around the house. I admit, she did drive me a little nuts during the time that I took care of her, and my only regret concerning her is that I couldn't manage to do better for her.

I remember how much she interacted with our lives, even if she didn't necessecarily understand what was going on, like my obsession with video games, or my brother's constantly changing athletic interests. She would occasionally pick up a Gamecube controller when I wasn't looking, and manage to play a game or two as if  she played it for years. She'd even occasionally beat me at Soul Calibur 2, back when I had it. Oddly enough, if I remember correctly, her favorite character was Taki. She was more of a casual gamer, though, and she even had an account on Gaia that I occasionally helped her with, of course, she was just on for the puzzles, so after a while, she kind of stopped paying attention to it.

I wish I could say more about her, but I don't quite feel I can bring much else up. Quite frankly, I know that the rest of the family and I will most definitely miss her. She's made a great impact on the family, and it's hard hitting that she's gone so soon.

We miss you Mom, but we'll manage and keep you proud as you watch us continue with our lives. We'll keep you in our hearts, for as long as we live. Goodbye, Mom.

Weirdness Magnet

       If I had a dollar for every weird thing I've experienced, I think I'd be pretty well content with myself. Weird moments happen to everyone, but mine just seem random, like fate decided to take acid and draw something.

        My dreams for example. Truth be told, I've only had a recollection of TWO seemingly "normal" dreams in my entire lifetime. The rest? Random things such as feeding a baby triceratops only to see a news report and seeing a terrorist getting tackled outside my front door by the bomb squad. But this particular post is speaking of an incident that happened around last summer-ish.
     
        Well, back last summer, my ex, my friend, and I had gone to a hookah lounge. This particular one often had random musicians playing on Saturday nights, this time, some obscure band I don't remember the name of, happened to be playing around with synthesizers. My friend was saying something to me, and right with the only coincidence that could possibly happen a few times in a lifetime, the band start playing, and it sounds like one of those trippy acid scenes in a stoner movie, as two girls wearing the weirdest possible masks come in. My friend looks at me, noticing I obviously wasn't listening, and he looked in the direction of the two. By this point, everyone who's seen them are looking at their hookahs, and back at the girls, as if someone had slipped them drugs.

     "Dude, you gotta take a picture." Obviously, I said the sentence like I actually was stoned off my fucking mind.

     He gets up, walks up and asks one of them for a picture. He comes back and asks me to come up with him. Little did I know, until a little later, that she tells him that in order to take a picture, someone has to put a third mask, that she basically pulled out of hammerspace. Turns out it was me who ends up putting this mask on.

Yes, I'm the one in the pink... furry... monster-thing. I had pink fur coming off that shirt randomly for weeks. 

     Don't ask me what's going on here, I'm not entirely sure myself, but I can easily say that if it got any weirder, I'd have asked the owners of the place what fucking drugs they put me on. Before I could sit down, there were a ton of others taking pictures as well. Oddly enough, I'd have to say this was probably the single weirdest waking moment of my life.