"Forged by the fires of emotion, shaped by the hammer of discipline, cooled by the waters of knowledge, engraved with the drive to keep moving forward, and used according to personality and desire."
We, as people experience rough points in our lives, some harsher than others. Sometimes, this may cause us to forget our goals. Sometimes, we become completely different, shocking those around us. Sometimes, this may kick us forward, giving us a drive that was never before realized. Others may cause us to break down.
What is it that keeps you going? Once a person comes to realize that one thing, they set a goal for themselves. That goal could be anything, but the placement of that goal itself could either continue that drive, or possibly kill it altogether. This is not meant to discourage. One pushes forward and keeps going by setting goals of a difficult but attainable path. Grasp that goal and use it to go where you need to go.
I've often come to realise that there are, indeed distractions, rather large ones, that keep me from hitting my goals. It's understandable, given that the path to your goal is never the same, and may change depending upon how you react to the goals of others around you. One moment, you could almost be right there, but then a sudden gust will blow sand in your eyes, and turn you backward. By the time your eyes clear, you're back at your halfway point. At that point, don't try to keep going if your view is blinded. Sometimes, fate may just want you to take notice of your surroundings and bring in a better way of doing things before.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Memories
As many of you who I've personally talked to may know, my mom had given up her fight with cancer last week. She's gone now. She died on Monday, Janurary 17, around 3:42 pm. She's in a better place now.
I admit, she and I may not have always seen eye-to-eye, but as a son always should, I did love her.
So many things that I could bring up about her, like how she loved my siblings and I, and that we were always on her mind, even when we visited her that last week and found out how much time she had left. Or how she never failed to make sure we were doing the best we could, even during the times she had to use a cane to get around the house. I admit, she did drive me a little nuts during the time that I took care of her, and my only regret concerning her is that I couldn't manage to do better for her.
I remember how much she interacted with our lives, even if she didn't necessecarily understand what was going on, like my obsession with video games, or my brother's constantly changing athletic interests. She would occasionally pick up a Gamecube controller when I wasn't looking, and manage to play a game or two as if she played it for years. She'd even occasionally beat me at Soul Calibur 2, back when I had it. Oddly enough, if I remember correctly, her favorite character was Taki. She was more of a casual gamer, though, and she even had an account on Gaia that I occasionally helped her with, of course, she was just on for the puzzles, so after a while, she kind of stopped paying attention to it.
I wish I could say more about her, but I don't quite feel I can bring much else up. Quite frankly, I know that the rest of the family and I will most definitely miss her. She's made a great impact on the family, and it's hard hitting that she's gone so soon.
We miss you Mom, but we'll manage and keep you proud as you watch us continue with our lives. We'll keep you in our hearts, for as long as we live. Goodbye, Mom.
I admit, she and I may not have always seen eye-to-eye, but as a son always should, I did love her.
So many things that I could bring up about her, like how she loved my siblings and I, and that we were always on her mind, even when we visited her that last week and found out how much time she had left. Or how she never failed to make sure we were doing the best we could, even during the times she had to use a cane to get around the house. I admit, she did drive me a little nuts during the time that I took care of her, and my only regret concerning her is that I couldn't manage to do better for her.
I remember how much she interacted with our lives, even if she didn't necessecarily understand what was going on, like my obsession with video games, or my brother's constantly changing athletic interests. She would occasionally pick up a Gamecube controller when I wasn't looking, and manage to play a game or two as if she played it for years. She'd even occasionally beat me at Soul Calibur 2, back when I had it. Oddly enough, if I remember correctly, her favorite character was Taki. She was more of a casual gamer, though, and she even had an account on Gaia that I occasionally helped her with, of course, she was just on for the puzzles, so after a while, she kind of stopped paying attention to it.
I wish I could say more about her, but I don't quite feel I can bring much else up. Quite frankly, I know that the rest of the family and I will most definitely miss her. She's made a great impact on the family, and it's hard hitting that she's gone so soon.
We miss you Mom, but we'll manage and keep you proud as you watch us continue with our lives. We'll keep you in our hearts, for as long as we live. Goodbye, Mom.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Weirdness Magnet
If I had a dollar for every weird thing I've experienced, I think I'd be pretty well content with myself. Weird moments happen to everyone, but mine just seem random, like fate decided to take acid and draw something.
My dreams for example. Truth be told, I've only had a recollection of TWO seemingly "normal" dreams in my entire lifetime. The rest? Random things such as feeding a baby triceratops only to see a news report and seeing a terrorist getting tackled outside my front door by the bomb squad. But this particular post is speaking of an incident that happened around last summer-ish.
Well, back last summer, my ex, my friend, and I had gone to a hookah lounge. This particular one often had random musicians playing on Saturday nights, this time, some obscure band I don't remember the name of, happened to be playing around with synthesizers. My friend was saying something to me, and right with the only coincidence that could possibly happen a few times in a lifetime, the band start playing, and it sounds like one of those trippy acid scenes in a stoner movie, as two girls wearing the weirdest possible masks come in. My friend looks at me, noticing I obviously wasn't listening, and he looked in the direction of the two. By this point, everyone who's seen them are looking at their hookahs, and back at the girls, as if someone had slipped them drugs.
"Dude, you gotta take a picture." Obviously, I said the sentence like I actually was stoned off my fucking mind.
He gets up, walks up and asks one of them for a picture. He comes back and asks me to come up with him. Little did I know, until a little later, that she tells him that in order to take a picture, someone has to put a third mask, that she basically pulled out of hammerspace. Turns out it was me who ends up putting this mask on.
Don't ask me what's going on here, I'm not entirely sure myself, but I can easily say that if it got any weirder, I'd have asked the owners of the place what fucking drugs they put me on. Before I could sit down, there were a ton of others taking pictures as well. Oddly enough, I'd have to say this was probably the single weirdest waking moment of my life.
My dreams for example. Truth be told, I've only had a recollection of TWO seemingly "normal" dreams in my entire lifetime. The rest? Random things such as feeding a baby triceratops only to see a news report and seeing a terrorist getting tackled outside my front door by the bomb squad. But this particular post is speaking of an incident that happened around last summer-ish.
Well, back last summer, my ex, my friend, and I had gone to a hookah lounge. This particular one often had random musicians playing on Saturday nights, this time, some obscure band I don't remember the name of, happened to be playing around with synthesizers. My friend was saying something to me, and right with the only coincidence that could possibly happen a few times in a lifetime, the band start playing, and it sounds like one of those trippy acid scenes in a stoner movie, as two girls wearing the weirdest possible masks come in. My friend looks at me, noticing I obviously wasn't listening, and he looked in the direction of the two. By this point, everyone who's seen them are looking at their hookahs, and back at the girls, as if someone had slipped them drugs.
"Dude, you gotta take a picture." Obviously, I said the sentence like I actually was stoned off my fucking mind.
He gets up, walks up and asks one of them for a picture. He comes back and asks me to come up with him. Little did I know, until a little later, that she tells him that in order to take a picture, someone has to put a third mask, that she basically pulled out of hammerspace. Turns out it was me who ends up putting this mask on.
Yes, I'm the one in the pink... furry... monster-thing. I had pink fur coming off that shirt randomly for weeks.
Don't ask me what's going on here, I'm not entirely sure myself, but I can easily say that if it got any weirder, I'd have asked the owners of the place what fucking drugs they put me on. Before I could sit down, there were a ton of others taking pictures as well. Oddly enough, I'd have to say this was probably the single weirdest waking moment of my life.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
It's been a while...
I haven't been blogging lately. Mostly because a lack of actual events, and sleeping. I'll probably make a post later on today. Just letting you all know I'm still alive and such.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Today...
I wanted to draw something today, but I couldn't seem to find my stylus. So instead, I decided to randomly draw something in Paint with my mouse:
As you can see, my drawing apparently hates me for putting it into existance. I dunno why he's smiling though.
Anyways, I have several random topics today. First off, being ADD, you know there's a kind of "super pay attention mode" that for some odd reason you stay focused enough on one thing for immense amounts of time, even though breaking from it will cause you to get distracted to something else. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work for a few certain websites and internet applications. I must warn you: TVTropes and StumbleUpon by themselves are already the internet's equivalent to crack, but multitasking by using StumbleUpon and TVTropes together... Good luck trying to leave your computer alone without outside help. And by outside help, I mean two people or one really strong guy with access to a crow bar. For TVTropes, I'd suggest you click this link at your own risk, or make sure you have at least 3 hours on your hands. I'll give you a starter link: BLAM!
If you've made it back, I think it's about time I introduced the people that make me appear to be the Only Sane Man of my house (complete with drawings, as I'd rather not dig for my camera):
This demented looking fellow is my brother. He may very well be proof of why you don't spoil children. For some odd reason, he believes he should defy all manner of authority, so long as he gets what he likes done. He also may be one of the few reasons I am able to yell like a singer of a death metal band, due to the amount of times I've had to yell for him to do things.
And this is my mother. Well intentioned she may be, but at the same time, can be a bit of a perfectionist. Some of these tendencies have been known to drive me nuts. Unlike my brother, however, yelling at her would instantly become regrettable. In other moments, despite being in her fourties, she tends to have the computer knowledge of someone much older than she. Unfortunately for me, this leads to me fixing problems for her, because of the mere fact that I'm on the computer a lot.
I think I'm actually out of things to say for right now, so I'll end it here.
As you can see, my drawing apparently hates me for putting it into existance. I dunno why he's smiling though.
Anyways, I have several random topics today. First off, being ADD, you know there's a kind of "super pay attention mode" that for some odd reason you stay focused enough on one thing for immense amounts of time, even though breaking from it will cause you to get distracted to something else. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work for a few certain websites and internet applications. I must warn you: TVTropes and StumbleUpon by themselves are already the internet's equivalent to crack, but multitasking by using StumbleUpon and TVTropes together... Good luck trying to leave your computer alone without outside help. And by outside help, I mean two people or one really strong guy with access to a crow bar. For TVTropes, I'd suggest you click this link at your own risk, or make sure you have at least 3 hours on your hands. I'll give you a starter link: BLAM!
If you've made it back, I think it's about time I introduced the people that make me appear to be the Only Sane Man of my house (complete with drawings, as I'd rather not dig for my camera):
This demented looking fellow is my brother. He may very well be proof of why you don't spoil children. For some odd reason, he believes he should defy all manner of authority, so long as he gets what he likes done. He also may be one of the few reasons I am able to yell like a singer of a death metal band, due to the amount of times I've had to yell for him to do things.
And this is my mother. Well intentioned she may be, but at the same time, can be a bit of a perfectionist. Some of these tendencies have been known to drive me nuts. Unlike my brother, however, yelling at her would instantly become regrettable. In other moments, despite being in her fourties, she tends to have the computer knowledge of someone much older than she. Unfortunately for me, this leads to me fixing problems for her, because of the mere fact that I'm on the computer a lot.
I think I'm actually out of things to say for right now, so I'll end it here.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Toys
I doubt I'll be posting this often during a day, today was one of those days I felt like it.
Truthfully, I kinda find i a bit fun. For all I know, though, I think I might just be having that "little kid toy" feeling where you just get something new and you can't stop playing with it.
It's amazing when you get toys that way back when you were a kid, you beg your parents to get them for you, and then when you get them, you treat the toys like you'll never stop playing with them, only for a few months (possibly more, possibly less) and then you either lose it amongst your other discarded toys (especially if it's cheap), you accidentally break it while trying to reenact a power rangers episode (or whatever else you may be doing with toys), or you outright forget about it in the light of your brand new toys. Speaking of forgotten things, I wonder what the hell happened to the thousands of Pokemon cards I had when I was 10? or even my Digivices? Damn, I miss my childhood.
Meanwhile, as I eat these cookies and milk and wonder why I always seem to get two more than I'll usually end up eating, and not whether I should be doing the dishes or not, I begin to wonder how things would have been If I weren't such a geek (yes I admit I'm a geek now and again), If I had grown up without having such immense knowledge (slight exaggeration). Chances are, I'd probably have... I actually don't know. Me and not being a geek is kind of an oxymoron... I mean my first toys that I can remember (other than those huge building blocks I used to make megazords out of up until I was 11) was a Mattel Aquarius. Yes, THAT Mattel Aquarius:
Yeah, I bet you don't even know what the heck I'm talking about. This was an early home computer, that had a rather short-lived career, from June to October of 1983. Yes, I know... it means my mom or my dad had this in the house for at least 11 years before I even played with it and attempted to program things on it. I wish I could remember some of that code now, considering that it used a form of BASIC which probably would have come in handy later on.
Wow, my first picture, and it turns out to be one of my first toys. Odd how I went from computers, to stuffed animals and action figures, to video games, to cards, back to video games and computers again, with occasional card game playing.
Remember those cheap toys that every kid begged their mom for out of the quarter machines, before they were accused of being laced with lead, and being replaced with stickers and temporary tattoos and fake jewelry? Like the super balls that you'd bounce in the house till your mom would take them away because you got dangerously close to her fragile dishes and such? Or those weird plastic knickknacks (yes, I said it), that would break because you never figured out how to play with it right? like those weird puzzle snakes you'd just keep twisting cause you thought it looked fun, or those little rubber robots that you couldn't do crap with, but you thought they were the most awesome thing in the world anyway?
And then there were the restaurant toys... Sure, they have them now, but they don't seem as great as when you thought they were when you were younger. I'm sure there's probably a few stashed somewhere in the house from a long time ago. I remember back when the Pokemon movies came out and Burger King had all those pokeballs that ended up getting recalled, but we kept them as Christmas ornaments anyway, because we thought they were awesome. For two years, we had two Christmas trees: One real one, with all the conventional ornaments, and then the fake tree with all the Pokemon decorations, save for the star. I think that was the Christmas where I had gotten around 5000 or so Pokemon cards, half of them in Japanese.
although one of my favorite Christmases was when I had gotten a game system that I could have to myself: my Jungle green N64 with DK64. I think that may have cemented my fate as being a geeky gamer.
For now, goodnight.
Truthfully, I kinda find i a bit fun. For all I know, though, I think I might just be having that "little kid toy" feeling where you just get something new and you can't stop playing with it.
It's amazing when you get toys that way back when you were a kid, you beg your parents to get them for you, and then when you get them, you treat the toys like you'll never stop playing with them, only for a few months (possibly more, possibly less) and then you either lose it amongst your other discarded toys (especially if it's cheap), you accidentally break it while trying to reenact a power rangers episode (or whatever else you may be doing with toys), or you outright forget about it in the light of your brand new toys. Speaking of forgotten things, I wonder what the hell happened to the thousands of Pokemon cards I had when I was 10? or even my Digivices? Damn, I miss my childhood.
Meanwhile, as I eat these cookies and milk and wonder why I always seem to get two more than I'll usually end up eating, and not whether I should be doing the dishes or not, I begin to wonder how things would have been If I weren't such a geek (yes I admit I'm a geek now and again), If I had grown up without having such immense knowledge (slight exaggeration). Chances are, I'd probably have... I actually don't know. Me and not being a geek is kind of an oxymoron... I mean my first toys that I can remember (other than those huge building blocks I used to make megazords out of up until I was 11) was a Mattel Aquarius. Yes, THAT Mattel Aquarius:
Yeah, I bet you don't even know what the heck I'm talking about. This was an early home computer, that had a rather short-lived career, from June to October of 1983. Yes, I know... it means my mom or my dad had this in the house for at least 11 years before I even played with it and attempted to program things on it. I wish I could remember some of that code now, considering that it used a form of BASIC which probably would have come in handy later on.
Wow, my first picture, and it turns out to be one of my first toys. Odd how I went from computers, to stuffed animals and action figures, to video games, to cards, back to video games and computers again, with occasional card game playing.
Remember those cheap toys that every kid begged their mom for out of the quarter machines, before they were accused of being laced with lead, and being replaced with stickers and temporary tattoos and fake jewelry? Like the super balls that you'd bounce in the house till your mom would take them away because you got dangerously close to her fragile dishes and such? Or those weird plastic knickknacks (yes, I said it), that would break because you never figured out how to play with it right? like those weird puzzle snakes you'd just keep twisting cause you thought it looked fun, or those little rubber robots that you couldn't do crap with, but you thought they were the most awesome thing in the world anyway?
And then there were the restaurant toys... Sure, they have them now, but they don't seem as great as when you thought they were when you were younger. I'm sure there's probably a few stashed somewhere in the house from a long time ago. I remember back when the Pokemon movies came out and Burger King had all those pokeballs that ended up getting recalled, but we kept them as Christmas ornaments anyway, because we thought they were awesome. For two years, we had two Christmas trees: One real one, with all the conventional ornaments, and then the fake tree with all the Pokemon decorations, save for the star. I think that was the Christmas where I had gotten around 5000 or so Pokemon cards, half of them in Japanese.
although one of my favorite Christmases was when I had gotten a game system that I could have to myself: my Jungle green N64 with DK64. I think that may have cemented my fate as being a geeky gamer.
For now, goodnight.
The Dentist
Well, I'm sure everyone who's blogged about their life has blogged about their occasional dentist visit sooner or later, so I figured I might as well start now.
As you can guess by my blog title, I'm a gummy bear fanatic... well, more of a sugar fiend, really. I don't think I've gone a single day without candy. Strangely, my dental records show that my cavities aren't even caused by candy, but more by orange juice and soda.
Anyways, today was my second of three visits to fill my cavity-filled mouth. (yes, I brush, but I begin to wonder if dentists just like to stick a drill in peoples mouths for an excuse to put in fillings.) I go in, wait a while, get three shots put in (possibly four, I don't quite remember) which had actually made my face numb enough to where I begin to wonder on my way home (the dentist is only a mile away from my house) if people are staring at me like my face is as swollen as it feels it is. It wouldn't be quite as awkward, if it werent for me being on a rather busy road to walk on. I can't use the book to hide my face, cause I have a few more streets to cross, and I'll look like I can barely read with my glasses. Can't use my hand, cause it'll look like I got my ass kicked. So I run. Being beside a busy street, this probably isn't the best idea I can come up with, as half of my nose is numb, and with me being only able to breathe through one nostril that constantly switches due to allergies, that's not fun, and breathing through my mouth just gets all the taste of car exhaust in my mouth. So I have to deal with the awkward stares as I begin walking home. It's amazing how long a mile seems when the awkward factor's put in.
As you can guess by my blog title, I'm a gummy bear fanatic... well, more of a sugar fiend, really. I don't think I've gone a single day without candy. Strangely, my dental records show that my cavities aren't even caused by candy, but more by orange juice and soda.
Anyways, today was my second of three visits to fill my cavity-filled mouth. (yes, I brush, but I begin to wonder if dentists just like to stick a drill in peoples mouths for an excuse to put in fillings.) I go in, wait a while, get three shots put in (possibly four, I don't quite remember) which had actually made my face numb enough to where I begin to wonder on my way home (the dentist is only a mile away from my house) if people are staring at me like my face is as swollen as it feels it is. It wouldn't be quite as awkward, if it werent for me being on a rather busy road to walk on. I can't use the book to hide my face, cause I have a few more streets to cross, and I'll look like I can barely read with my glasses. Can't use my hand, cause it'll look like I got my ass kicked. So I run. Being beside a busy street, this probably isn't the best idea I can come up with, as half of my nose is numb, and with me being only able to breathe through one nostril that constantly switches due to allergies, that's not fun, and breathing through my mouth just gets all the taste of car exhaust in my mouth. So I have to deal with the awkward stares as I begin walking home. It's amazing how long a mile seems when the awkward factor's put in.
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